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tunes courtesy of macabre plaza

... welcome to my corner of the internet ...

Here is where I spill my thoughts on things ranging from existence, to anime, & to a leaf that hit me on my walk.

~ this site has autoplay & looping elements, be aware ~

Sign my guestbook, take a look around!


11/21/2020 - "Anyone there?"

So, there's been a lot of developments in my life as of late.

Well, not a lot. Just a few biggies.

I got to see a psychiatrist, and now I'm on antidepressants. Woo! I'm hoping they help, because right now, they're just making my stomach hurt. I'm excited to see where this goes.

Obviously, I'm more than aware that it takes time for medicine like this to kick in. The one I'm taking has the longest period for that. But there's still that annoying part of me that is screaming at me for not being able to do work, for still being numb.

I wanna grab it by the neck and shake it, asking what the hell should I do then? What's the game plan? Because I sure don't know. I don't understand the logic. I guess that's because there is none.

There is no method to the madness that encapsulates whatever yells at me every night. I know it's part of me, but I refuse to accept that. It's simply something that needs to be ironed out. Sooner, rather than later. No method I've tried has made it budge, but I'm just glad I got help before I did anything permanent.



11/17/2020 - "HypMic on my mind..."

Hello! I hope you have all been taking care of yourselves.

As I write this, I'm doing my full deep-dive into BUCK-TICK's discography, starting all the way in '87 with HURRY UP MODE. I'm excited to finish it, honestly!

On Sunday, I ventured out to Kinokuniya (a Japanese import store) just to check what was up, and you will not believe the treasure trove I stumbled upon.

Are you seeing this haul?! I didn't even have to order any of this! This was all in store! I'm still shocked, to be honest. They even had the new DH & BAT volumes, with CD!

They also had the official guidebook, but that was a bit too much on top of what I already had in my hands! I am so grateful for this place, honestly. Absolutely feeds into my HypMic addiction, but I don't care! Don't think they do either, knowing how much money I, alone, give them.

As soon as I get my hands on any FP figures... my so-called shrine will be on the way to completion. I can't wait! Here's to hoping I can cough up enough money for the new anime figure, keep me in your prayers!



11/14/2020 - "BUCK-TICK RANT INCOMING!"

I've been listening to a lot of J-Rock as of late, specifically BUCK-TICK. Something about Atsushi's voice makes me cry, even if he's singing the most sexually repressed song in existence (they have a few of those).

The songs KISS ME GOOD-BYE and MOON LIGHT are the songs I've been drawn to the most, the lyrical content is dense with tales of star-crossed lovers & yearning, and I don't even feel those things right now. It's amazing how emotional their songs can make you, even with a language barrier.

One of these days, I'd truly love to meet Atsushi and ask him what really drives his creative process. I'd also love to detail about how much his lyrics mean to me, but I might save that for a different instance, if I have the privilege of such.

I recommend BUCK-TICK to everyone, even if they do not particularly seek out J-Rock, as their music spans across many other genres. I especially want those who love the electronic parts of eighties rock (i.e. early Duran Duran, especially) to try out BUCK-TICK.

They were one of the fathers of J-Rock & Visual Kei as we know it, and no one pays their respects! It's always Dir En Grey this, MALICE MIZER that. Don't get me wrong, I love both of those bands very dearly (Mana-sama...), but they came much later, all the way in the nineties!

They helped solidify the more modern look of a vkei rocker, but regarding the birth... that's BUCK-TICK.



11/11/2020 - "HypMic! Sutopuri! VTuber!"

Today was a good day! Starting from about 1:30 AM onwards, it's just been constant happiness.

Isn't that crazy?

I got to tune into the HPNM Hangout #3 on Youtube, reconnected with some old English learner friends, & made some new ones. After that, I realized the new Strawberry Prince album had dropped, 20 songs! Obviously stayed up to watch the archived livestream, and new uploads. The album was fantastic, by the way, I recommend it to anyone that will listen!

Then, discovered a new VTuber, named 花幽カノン (Hanayura Kanon), who was streaming HypMic ARB. All of this within the span of about... 5 hours? It's safe to say I had a strong precedent set for the rest of the day. A day that was spent lounging about and listening to that new album on repeat, very typical of me. Still a good day in my book.

I personally think I deserved to indulge myself, if I may be so honest. I even rented a demo of the HypMic stage play! Maybe I'll even buy some merch later this week, who knows what I'll do? I never let myself feel good about buying things, let's change that.

I may, in fact, be getting ahead of myself.



11/08/2020 - "Back to Basics"

I keep slipping back into moments of happiness & the like, and I think it'll stick soon! This optimism doesn't seem to go away, even if I beat at it with a stick. No matter what, I am positive this will all end up okay, even if I consciously know it won't. It is tiring, but no matter what, I have to uphold it!

Starting to think I have to take baby steps to get back to where I once was mentally, to garner any sense of normalcy. I kind of hate it, but as I've said before, there's nothing like the naïveté of a child. Back to basics, it is!

In other news, I think I have a crush on someone. Kind of weird when it comes to my last entry, right? It's most likely infatuation, though. Knowing me, I'll get closer and closer with them, we date, & both of our mental issues explode in our faces. Despite everything, I am still me.



11/06/2020 - "Loveless, or not?"

I hope you're all doing well during this chaotic time.

As per usual, I've been thinking about the state of my life, as it is right now. Specifically: the topic of love. Do I still desire it? Can I even experience it the same way as I did before? The answer to questions like these are beyond me, but I do know they will be annoying & complicated.

Someone can never experience something the same way twice, that's just a fact of life. This is doubly so after something traumatic interrupts said experience. I hate to admit that the latter is what is going on for me, but that wouldn't change the outcome, now would it?

I'm simply scared of losing the ability to love fully & truly. Having something ruined for me, outside of my peripheral, is one of my greatest fears. Seeing it be actualized right in front of me, with my hands tied behind back & my eyes stretched open... it is not fun, to say the least.

Another question rises: is anyone capable of loving me through this time? Who knows! I certainly don't, and I don't believe I will find out before I dig myself out of this mess. I would absolutely love to devote myself to another person, it is something I hold very close to my heart. But during this time?

Definitely not on my priority list, I would say.



11/03/2020 - "Overrated?"

Having a cultivated & exact way of living is the most overrated thing I can think of. A life without spontaneousness isn't a life at all. Simply following a routine & sticking to it doesn't sound pleasant at all. Or does it? I do envy pity those people. Ignornace is bliss, or whatever.

I honestly do wish I could live my life without mulling over anything and everything. Yes, it may be fun to do the unexpected sometimes, but I end up getting hurt. When you just do your 9 to 5, pay your taxes, feed your dog, ignore your wife, you're set for life. Or at least until she gets a divorce.

What I'm getting at is that you know exactly what's coming. You don't run the risk of accidentally shooting yourself in the foot.

You could say I'm getting tired of this unearned freedom I hold. The freedom to drink until I throw up, to run into the street blind, to run away from home (but eventually come back because it's too cold to sleep in the grass). The fact that I know I could do all of that is absolutely exhausting.

Why can't I just force myself to keep my head down and never question the things around me? I'm too numb and too curious for my own mental wellbeing.

I don't really have a point for all of this. I've just been thinking about the pros and cons of existing.



10/30/2020 - "Spooky Time!"

It is the eve of Halloween, and it somehow still feels like March. An entire summer passed me by and I couldn't even go outside consistently to feel the warmth on my face. I truly hope by this time tomorrow I am celebrating both Halloween & Samhain as joyfully as one possibly could.

This time of year always brings me happiness, whether it be through themed candies, horror flicks, or simply the veil thinning. Whatever it may be, I love all aspects of it, minus the allergens. This season also calls for Halloween themed episodes of things I watch, including the latest Hypnosis Microphone episode that premiered today. I'll hold off on talking about it for now, as I may want to relocate my anime reviews for a separate part of my site.

Despite that, I will say it was incredibly entertaining.

Also, if you haven't noticed, my buttons towards the right hand side has grown exponentially! I am incredibly thankful to all those who have found my blog and site to be entertaining/interesting enough to follow, it truly means the world. You are all so kind!

I wish all of you the loveliest of holidays, and I hope it is spent the exact way you want it to be.



10/27/2020 - "On Cyclical Nature"

Thinking too much seems to be a specialty of mine, despite all of my best efforts. It seems to spill over into every aspect of my life, but I can't seem to pinpoint where it is coming from. The funniest thing about thinking too much, is that that thinking usually reduces to nothing. No resolutions, no outcome. Not a positive one, at least.

It seems to be an inherent part of my life at this point: wake up, worry, eat breakfast, worry, go to the store, worry, et cetera. The vicious cycle that is routine in modern society. What am I even worrying about?

This is almost definitely the reason why I want to move to a green place where the only thing I have to worry about is if the tea is ready or not.

My take on these concepts seem to be childish, but what is childishness if not one of the most truly unbiased views of the world? Call it naïveté, call it immaturity. In the grand scheme of things, I am still in my infancy.

I'm starting to think I should stop listening to atmospheric music before bed.



10/26/2020 - "Humdrum"

Hello again!

I hope you are doing well. I've spent most of my days these past few days sat at my dining table, writing up trivia for my shrines, wondering what I should do next. Probably more gifs here & there, as per usual. I started this site up again to get out of the humdrum of quarantine life, and it's slowly becoming part of it. Kinda scary, isn't it? I did end up finishing all of the shrines I had planned, which makes me a bit of happy.

The rare joys that are coming out of this break is the weekly episodes of new anime, like Hypnosis Microphone & A3!, but even that is becoming routine. It's tragic, truly.

I'll probably try to upgrade this site eventually, but I need to focus on the fact that site is for me, rather than other people. Social media is a disease I am trying to rid myself of, and this is definitely a first step.



10/22/2020 - "Sleepless Coding"

I'm typing this at 1:42 AM, after having finished 4 new shrines, putting a text area for my button code, & making a new title PNG. I am surprisingly not that tired, despite having worked my ass off for an inconsistent 24 hours. Maybe it's because I'm putting off doing schoolwork? I don't know.

Despite it all, I am quite pleased with the updates I've done. The shrines I made are simple & full of useful information for any passerby, and include lovely photos curated by yours truly. Eventually, I will add text detailing why I love these characters/people, and how I came to that conclusion. For now, I shall leave it as a cute little summary. I'm content with that!

On the happier side of things, the Hypnosis Microphone manga + CD I ordered came today! It was super fun seeing it in real life, as well as owning my all-time favorite song from this franchise, LESSON! This is one of my favorite volumes as well, as it includes some of the best manga artwork of the series. I'll definitely be listening to this CD on repeat for the next few weeks.



10/20/2020 - "New Page Alert!"

Hello, long time no see!

I was going to update about boring things that happened in my life the past few days, but instead, I decided to start up a shrine page! The only shrine I have finished right now is Ramuda's, but I'm not too set on the design of it just yet. I shall figure it out as I go along! As you can tell from the first link, I have plans for a few more people to create shrines to, and I'm quite excited to show how much an eclectic I am through them, haha. I hope you like them!

Besides that, I started to watch all of the Free! movies before watching the third season, and it turns out, Funimation doesn't. have. it. subbed. I know copyrights and such have a tie into it, but I was really looking forward to watching the third season on the big screen without having to screencast it! I gave up halfway through it, and started doing a rewatch of Cute High Earth Defense Club LOVE! though, so it's not all too bad. I've revitalized my belief that magical boys need to be a bigger thing, and less of a punchline!

I'll write up a full review once I've finished the entirety of the franchise, I think. It's not long at all, and not enough people know about it.

the homie in the icon is from that anime, but i just also wanted to put this somewhere on my site


10/17/2020 - "New Hypnosis Microphone Episode!"

If you don't already know, I'm head over heels for the franchise known as Hypnosis Microphone: Division Rap Battle. The music is what I first fell in love with, and I cascaded forth into the drama tracks, mangas, the rhythm app, and now, the anime.

The jist of the story is that a matriarchal group, the Party of Words, staged a coup against the Japanese government, and banned all weapons. Now, to fight for territory in Tokyo (and later Osaka & Chūbu), men must use special tools, known as Hypnosis Microphones. These mics allow you to affect your opponent's brain using rap verses. Basically, if your flow is good enough, you win!

Yes, it seems very silly. Trust me, I know! Despite all of the weirdness, I'm enamored by the story, music, and world of Hypmic. If you want a spotify playlist featuring most of the songs from this universe (plus the names of the unavailable bonus tracks), here you go! It's daunting to get into something like this for the first time, especially when almost none of the content is officially translated.

On the topic of the new episode, I am elated. This was only the third episode of the series, and I am so impatient for the next one! This episode explores the dynamic between the Shinjuku Division's members: Jakurai, Doppo, and Hifumi. I won't talk about the plot, so don't worry about spoilers. I am in love with how much of the plot is new, compared to the drama tracks & manga, it's surprising!

I have to admit, when I first found out that an anime was announced, I was scared that is was going to be repeats, like what I had listed prior. But it isn't that at all. So far, it is detailing the more intimate and unseen parts: the divisions themselves. What is life like in each area? What kind of people live there, besides the famed rappers?

Slice of life type animes always reach a special place in my heart, so seeing aspects of it in this makes me incredibly happy. I am more than positive that when our little introductions are over with, it'll get to the official division battling.



10/16/2020 - "4 AM Thoughts"

I've spent most of the night thus far staring at my wall illuminated by my cinnamon apple candle, listening to Neil Young & Waylon Jennings, tweaking at this site idly. There's so much I want to do on here, but it all seems so out of reach!

One thing I want to do, for example, is start a fanlisting for Jojolion, or Free!, or literally anything that appeals to me. Did you know that there isn't even an officially recognized Jojo's Bizarre Adventure fanlisting? That's crazy!

Most of the appeal comes from making banners and gifs that people can post to their website, that's something I enjoy very much. If you haven't checked my about page in a little while, I've added 3 gifs and 1 banner that I've made, and I'm quite proud of them! (If anyone would want a custom banner gif in the style I do, feel free to hit up my email!)

At the end of the day, I think the one thing I want from my time on the Internet, is friends. Kinship. Camaraderie!

Lady Miss Kier said it best, "From the global village, in the age of communication!"



10/15/2020 - "New A3! Season!"

Thank you for all the lovely messages in my guestbook! Waking up to seven new things in there made my day so much better. I can say with utmost certainty that I will be reading them over and over again until I get new ones...

Besides that, I watched the premiere of A3! Autumn & Winter today, having missed the premiere on Tuesday. If you've never heard of this franchise, here's a short summary: it was originally a Japanese mobile game based on the failing Mankai theater. It is up to you, the MC, to save this theater from being demolished by scouting aspiring actors, put into four different troupes, Spring, Summer, Autumn, & Winter. As of January 2020, it was adapted into an anime, licensed by Funimation in North America!

I've been into the character songs made for this app long before I had even heard of the franchise (that seems to be a staple of mine, you will learn soon enough!). The song "Sick Sick Sick," performed by my favorite seiyuu Yūsuke Shirai (白井 悠介) was my first favorite, and still is to this day! I'll write more about him in a later entry, as he deserves his own website (I'll save that for later...).

Regardless, I recommend the anime, if you're not into Japanese mobile games like this. It's an easy and quick watch, and kept me entertained throughout the weird plot. I mean, I know nothing about theater, and this anime actually taught me some stuff! The MC isn't bland, which can be a problem for these sorts of "reverse harem" animes, she actually seems to have a stake in all of this.

If you watch it, please let me know! I'd love to talk to more people about this silly franchise.



10/14/2020 - "Lots & Lots of Site Updates"

I can't seem to stop working on this site! Yes, I'm well aware that I have piles upon piles of schoolwork to do, but that's besides the point.

Regardless, I add two new pages, a collection and a cool sites page. The collection is for gifs & images I find whilst searching the archive, and the cool sites is... basically self-explanatory. It is mostly for me to keep tabs on stuff I like, but I hope it is useful for whoever clicks there! Regarding the collection, it'll be stuff I like, obviously. Faefolk, anime, weird stuff, and the like. I will always try to link back to the original archive link, but some of those are broken :( I want to put credit where credit is due, damn it!

It has currently hit midnight while I was typing this all up, and I know I'm just going to keep updating every page of this site. Keep checking in if you're curious, I'm sure you'll find something new at each refresh.

Good night!



10/13/2020 - "Hello World!"

This is the start of my Neocities blog! This is something I have been interested in for a while now, but did not have the resources (or knowledge) to do. Thankfully I have an incredibly talented and generous sibling who was so kind as to basically Frankenstein this website together.

I plan on updating the blog aspect whenever I feel the need to, so no weekly schedule. Some things I know for a fact that I'll do is write about animes that I'm watching, or manga that I'm reading, as I am very into that right now (go nostalgia!).

Another thing I'm hatching together is a bunch more links, for an about page, in depth interests page, and music recommendations! I'm excited to get this all up and running.

See you whenever!

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